The CooperKripke Re-Match
by notjaneausten
Summary: Kripke and Sheldon have to collaborate on another grant paper and when Sheldon misses their scheduled meeting Kripke decides to track him down...what he finds in Sheldon's office shocks the whole gang. Disclaimer: All TBBT characters remain the property of Chuck Lorre & Bill Prady.
1. Chapter 1

Once again, Barry Kripke was being forced to work with the egotistical Sheldon Cooper on a combined paper for the university and once again, Sheldon wasn't keeping his end of the bargain. Kripke looked at his watch again and sighed, it was now nearly forty five minutes after Sheldon was supposed to have met him in the lab and Kripke decided it was time to track the weasel down.

He met up with Cooper's young assistant Alex who was standing outside of Sheldon's office door looking extremely puzzled.

"Good afternoon, Alex. Fancy meeting you here." Kripke turned on the charm and Alex looked over in surprise.

"Doctor Kripke, I thought that you and Doctor Cooper were working in the lab this afternoon?"

"I thought so too, but it appears we are both wrong." Kripke tried turning the knob on the door only to find it locked. "You have a key for his office don't you?" He asked Alex and she shook her head.

"No, only Doctor Cooper has a key to his office, he's very private about his research and doesn't like it left unlocked unless he is inside. I thought I heard voices as I was walking past but thought it was strange as I knew he'd already booked this afternoon out with you. I was about to knock on the door when you arrived." Alex looked over at Kripke who puffed out his chest a little in a display of manliness.

"Hey, Cooper! You in there or what?" Kripke pounded on the door and the both listened for any sounds of activity. There were distinct murmurs coming from inside and the rustling of papers being shoved together.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Leonard, Howard and Raj appeared along the corridor and noticed Kripke and Alex standing outside of Sheldon's office. "Did any of you see what happened to Sheldon at lunchtime? We were expecting him in the cafeteria but he never showed up…that was more than two hours ago and we were getting a little worried."

"He's not answering his phone or checking his e-mails." Raj interjected after checking his blackberry again for any response to the last five messages sent. Kripke and Alex exchanged worried looks; they both knew how important this paper was to the scientific community and how anal Sheldon was about maintaining his strict schedule. That fact that he'd not only missed out on lime jello in the cafeteria, but not responded to any text or e-mails or kept his pre-booked time on the super computer with Kripke made them all feel slightly uneasy.

"What should we do, bust it down?" Leonard asked around, only for Howard to snort in amusement.

"You couldn't even bust your way out of a paper bag without getting an asthma attack. Let me go back to the lab and pick up my tools. Sheldon's lock has a magnetic override in cases of emergency; I think this qualifies, don't you?" Howard was about to head off down the corridor, when the unmistakable sound of the lock snicking open from the inside had them all holding their breath as the door slowly opened to reveal…Amy stepping out with a picnic basket over her arm.

"Ooh, a little afternoon delight with the girlfriend…" Kripke snapped sarcastically as he stepped forward to brush past Amy to storm into Sheldon's office. "You can't fool me that easily again, Cooper! You tried to fob me off with that excuse last time, but that won't work anymore now that I know that you've never even seen your girlfriend without her clothes on…heck, you'd probably run a mile in the other direction!"

"Watch it, Kripke! That's my boyfriend you're talking about here!" Amy stepped back into the office and the blaze of battle lit behind her emerald eyes. "I'll have you know that beneath that seemingly positronic exterior beats a fully functioning man…" Amy's eyes drifted over Sheldon's crotch before lazily travelling up to meet his gaze. "Catch you later, commander."

"Lieutenant." Sheldon inclined his head and watched as Amy sashayed her way out of the office and waved goodbye to Leonard, Howard and Raj who were standing gobsmacked in the hallway.

"Dude! She totally TNG'd on you!" Raj exclaimed, holding his fist out toward Sheldon, and even more surprised when Sheldon tapped him lightly in return.

"I know." Sheldon nodded solemnly, quoting Han Solo from his favourite Star Wars movie. He then cracked a beaming smile at his friends. "Ain't she great?" He turned around to scoop some papers into a folder and shoved them into Kripke's arms. "Here's the stuff, I would have brought them over earlier but Amy surprised me with a picnic and time just slipped away from me."

"Excuse me? I don't understand – 'positronic brain' and 'TNG'? Is this kind of nerdy Star Wars secret language thing?" Kripke clutched the folder to his chest and shook his head, not understanding a word of what had just been said.

"Dude; Star Trek: The Next Generation, look up the episode 'The Naked Now'. If you can't figure it out from that, then you have no place in science at all." Raj shook his head sadly at the thought of a renowned physicist not even getting a simple Star Trek reference. The guys watched as Sheldon continued to pack his messenger bag as if he were preparing to leave for the day; looking at their watches they saw it was only three in the afternoon – it was unprecedented for Sheldon to leave the office before five o'clock at the earliest and that was because that was the time that Leonard usually left and he needed a ride home.

"Sheldon, are you okay?" Leonard asked quietly as Sheldon packed his laptop away and Sheldon looked up in surprise.

"Of course, Leonard. Why do you ask?"

"It's only three o'clock and you always stay until five; you missed lime jello at lunch and you completely missed out on your session on the super computer…Sheldon, I was worried about you."

"Oh, you little nervous Nellie. No need to worry about missing lime jello, Amy gave me a wonderful dessert with her picnic." Sheldon smiled up at Leonard which made him feel awkward and uncomfortable at seeing Sheldon's koala face used in reference to his girlfriend. "Alex, there's no need for you to hang around any longer today; in fact why don't you take tomorrow off as well. I'm not going to be in the office, so there really isn't any requirement for your presence."

"Oh, did I miss something in your diary? I wasn't aware that you had anything booked for this afternoon or tomorrow." Alex twisted her fingers nervously, hoping that she hadn't overlooked something important.

"It's May the fourth tomorrow, Alex. I never work on May the fourth." Sheldon looked up in amazement at his assistant, before shaking his head slightly. "Oh, I forgot you weren't working here last year. Myself, Dr. Hoftstedter, Dr. Koothrappali and Mr. Wolowitz have a long standing tradition that we all get together to celebrate Star Wars day."

"You whack jobs really sit around your apartment watching all six of those dumb movies all day?" Kripke sighed as he went to leave the office. "You people really don't know how to have a good time."

"'Naked Now', Barry. Don't forget to check it out." Howard called down the corridor as Kripke took Sheldon's work back to his lab to compare against his own findings. Leonard was still looking at Sheldon pack the last of his things into his messenger bag and placing the strap carefully across his body.

"You really leaving early today, Sheldon? You know I can't leave early tonight, and you don't even have your bus pants with you."

"It's quite all right, Leonard. Amy is leaving early this afternoon as well and has very kindly offered to drive me back to the apartment. I believe we shall also be calling into the supermarket to collect the necessary snack selections for tomorrow, so if anyone has any special requirements please text me within the next hour and I will add it to the list. I assume everyone will be joining us for dinner this evening as per our usual arrangements?" Sheldon looked around and everyone nodded. "Very well, if you excuse me I wouldn't want to keep Amy waiting for too long." Sheldon urged everyone out of the door and he carefully locked it behind him; ignoring Howard and Raj's sniggers of laughter behind his back.

"Yeah, I mean he's only kept her waiting for three years already; what's another ten minutes gonna hurt?" Raj giggled at Howard's not so subtle reference to the length of time that Sheldon and Amy had been dating for without seeing a single kiss being exchanged between the couple. Leonard was facing in the opposite direction and just happened to catch the brief smirk that flittered across Sheldon's face before his lanky room-mate disappeared down the corridor and out into the parking lot.

"Um guys…you may want to re-visit that TNG episode yourself as a little memory refresher. In case you didn't hear, Amy called Sheldon 'Commander' just as she left and I distinctly heard him whisper 'Lieutenant' back to her."

"Leonard, you mean you really think that we interrupted a little 'afternoon delight' for real? I thought Kripke was just messing with us, especially after that stunt Sheldon pulled with him last time." Howard looked at Raj who looked at Leonard with the same expression of shock at the thought of the Shamy finally getting some action.

"I suggest we watch them closely at dinner tonight, I can always tell when Sheldon's been 'thinking improper thoughts' as his Mother would say. He gets that little twitch near his eye and his ears get a little red." Leonard suggested and the three men wandered back to their own offices, each thinking how weird it sounded; Sheldon and Amy actually interacting of a physical level...

**AN: I wasn't sure whether to leave this as just a one shot or not... drop me a review and let me know whether you'd like to see it develop any further**


	2. Chapter 2

An hour later Leonard pulled his phone out of his pocket when it started to vibrate with an incoming call. He checked the display to see that it was a call from his girlfriend and closest neighbour, Penny.

"Hey Penny, what's up?" Leonard asked cheerfully and was greeted by the garbled choking of Penny instead of her usual greeting. "Penny…calm down and breathe. Are you okay? Did something happen?"

"Sh-Sh-Sheldon!" Penny finally managed to choke out and Leonard sat down quickly in his chair.

"Something happened to Sheldon? Is he okay? He left early today and said he was going shopping with Amy…do you want me to come home? Is he in the hospital…Oh God! I'll call the guys and we'll be there as soon as we can." Leonard started to panic and felt like his wheezy lungs were about to explode. He started to grab his notes from his desk and stuff them ruthlessly into his messenger bag, not caring whether they were in the right order or that they were now hopelessly wrinkled.

"Leonard…Leonard! Sit down!" Penny's strident tone cut through his daze and from the sound of things it wasn't the first time she had tried to get his attention. "Put me on Skype."

"Okay, hang on." Leonard set the phone down on his bench and opened his laptop to connect the call. Penny accepted the invitation and they disconnected the phone call. Leonard looked at Penny's face on the screen; she was wearing her waitress uniform from The Cheesecake Factory and he remembered that she was on the lunchtime and afternoon shift that day. "Penny, why aren't you at work? I thought you didn't finish until nearly seven?"

"I went in but they sent me home because I had a bit of an upset stomach…I knew I shouldn't have brought home that leftover cheesecake last night." Penny rubbed her stomach and grimaced as she remembered polishing of the leftovers in bed the previous evening. "I bet it was from the weekend and not yesterday like they promised."

"Are you okay now?" Leonard asked in concern. It wasn't like Penny to make a big deal out of any slight illness and he knew that she was trying to save up the cash for a new car, so was trying to increase her hours by taking on more shifts in the bar in addition to her waitressing shifts.

"A bit…anyway, I thought about what Sheldon said he gave you whenever your lactose thingy flares up and decide to pop over to your place to grab a couple of those white ginger tea bags. I opened the door with the emergency key and was nearly half way across the living room when…" Penny stopped talking suddenly, as the image of what she had witnessed flashed through her mind once again.

"When…what?"

"Let's just say that I will probably never be able to look Sheldon in the eye ever again."

"PENNY! WHAT DID YOU SEE?" Leonard yelled into the screen, his voice loud enough to attract Howard who was working in the lab a few doors down. Howard came running along the corridor to see Leonard scraping his hands through his hair as he waited for Penny to uncover her eyes.

"I can't even begin to describe it…Sheldon was…it was…"

"Penny, just take a deep breath and tell me what is going on."

"Sheldon was dressed up as Data…but he was half naked!"

"So he had his shirt off, big deal. You've rubbed vaporub on his chest before." Leonard couldn't see what the issue was, Penny had looked after Sheldon when he was sick on a few occasions and after being with Leonard on and off and on again relationship over the last five years had also seen Sheldon in various stages of undress – none of it at all suggestively.

"It wasn't his chest that was the naked part!" Penny screamed out and covered her eyes again, as if trying to rid herself of the memory.

"Oh…" Leonard screwed up his nose and closed his eyes. Howard started to chuckle from the doorway and came into the lab to peer at the screen.

"Tell me Penny, did he scream as loudly as you did just then? I bet he covered himself up and cried like a little girl."

"He was screaming all right, but it had nothing to do with me…" Penny said darkly as she looked straight at Howard. "I scrammed out of there as soon as I could, I don't even think that they even realised I was there."

"They? Do you mean to say that you walked in on Sheldon and Amy having a little cosplay action? Was she wearing a uniform as well? Maybe a security yellow jumpsuit?" Howard leant in closer to the screen as he pressed for details. He turned to Leonard and looked over in amazement. "Maybe Raj was right and their lunchtime date was a little afternoon delight that we walked in on? What if it wasn't another ruse to throw Kripke off track?"

"What are you guys talking about? Did Sheldon try to use Amy as an excuse again with that odious guy with the speech impediment?" Penny frowned as she remembered the fallout from the last incident.

"Kind of…Sheldon missed his session on the mainframe with Kripke because Amy brought him a surprise picnic. Kripke and Alex were banging on Sheldon's office door, Amy opened it up and made some comment about Sheldon's positronic brain. Raj assumed that she was talking about how Tasha Yar and Data hooked up one time on Star Trek: The Next Generation." Leonard explained quickly as Howard flicked through his phone to hold up a picture to the laptop screen.

"Was she wearing anything like this?"

"Yeah, they were wearing matching tops… I don't want to think about it anymore." Penny held up a hand to block out the image on Howard's phone and he put it back in his pocket before nodding at Leonard.

"Yup, they were totally role playing out his secret fantasy. So, you think that was their first time?"

"What doing the deed or dressing up?" Penny asked, and caught the slight twitch on Leonard's face as she spoke. "Leonard, what do you know?"

"Well, I can't answer the question about whether it was their first time having sex; but I do know that Amy has rather a nice looking Nurse Chapel outfit from The Original Series that she's worn for Sheldon a couple of times…I kinda walked in on them once when she was giving him a medical scan. I backed straight out of the apartment and slept on Raj's couch for the night."

"Nice…" Howard murmured, Bernadette wasn't one for dressing up for Howard; whenever they appeared in costume it was usually wearing something that she had picked out for them. As much as he appreciated the Catholic school girl outfits, he would rather it had been Princess Leia's slave girl bikini or Deanna Troi's skimpy uniform skirt.

"Guys, they're still over there! I can hear them through the walls,,," Penny winced as she opened up her front door and slid the laptop closer to the door of 4A.

"Oh, Commander!"

"Lieutenant!"

The muttered groans and shouts were clear enough to make even Leonard look a little startled. Penny picked up the laptop again and scuttled back into her apartment, slamming the door behind her.

"Penny, it can't go on for much longer. It's nearly five and Sheldon knows that I get home around five fifteen; you've just got to wait it out a little, okay?"

"Okay – but I'm not happy about it. It's enough to put a girl off sex for life!"

"Penny, you've been wanting them to move on with their relationship for ages. Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Leonard, it's like walking in on your parents having sex; you know it happens but you don't expect to see them going at it in the living room!"

"Were they on the floor, up against the wall or…in Sheldon's spot?" Howard leant forward again, rubbing his hands expectantly; eager for any of the dirty details.

"That's just gross, Howard! I don't ask you for all of the details about where you and Bernadette have done it." Penny wrinkled up her nose at his eagerness and Leonard punched him lightly on the arm.

"Hey, I just asked what everyone else is likely to be thinking. Come on, Penny – just tell me a little bit…"

"I don't wanna…" Penny whined and jerked her eyes over to the door as a particularly loud cry was heard echoing through the walls. "Man, that was a loud one…I'm gonna need to borrow those noise cancelling headphones if ever they have a sleepover."

"Never happen." Leonard assured her, and when Howard looked over with raised eyebrows Leonard simply shrugged. "Sheldon thinks that everyone is at work this afternoon, he told us that he and Amy were getting supplies for tomorrow. So I think that when I get home I will find a few carefully placed bags on the counter containing Red Vines, Milk Duds and Yoo Hoo's in the fridge. He would be mortified if he thought that Penny was at home, and would probably leave the state if he ever imagined that you could hear him and the country if he ever found out that you'd seen him in the act. This is a man that sings when he pee's because he doesn't want anyone to hear him."

"Good point." Howard stated to Leonard and then turned back to Penny as a sudden thought raced through his mind, "So, Penny when are you going to tell him that saw them in fragrante delicto?"

"Never!"

"Please?"

"Howard, no! I want to wipe the memory of that image out of my head forever, zip, gone!"

"Spoilsport."

"Howard, let me just say one thing that I will hope shut you up on the subject forever…"

"Yes? Go on?"

"Let's just say that…" Penny looked Howard up and down and then winked to Leonard. "Size really is proportional…and that Amy will never want to look at another man again!" With that comment and a little smirk at Howard, Penny disconnected and left the diminutive aerospace engineer staring blankly at the screen.

"What was that supposed to mean?" Leonard chuckled as he patted his friend on the shoulder.

"Howard, think of the size of Sheldon's feet and hands and then think about a certain old wives tale…you know the one about telling the size of your equipment?"

"Oh…OHHH!" Howard's eyebrows nearly reached his hairline as he finally put two and two together. "Man, that's an image that I don't need burning into my brain."

"Now you know how Penny feels." Leonard remarked as he slipped his laptop back into his bag and turned to leave the lab, flicking off the light switches as he went. "Are you staying over the night at my Sheldon's, or are you gonna drive back over with Raj in the morning?"

"Hmm, do you think that Amy is likely to stay over tonight?"

"Doubt it, I don't think Sheldon's invited any of the girls to join us tomorrow; it's a week day so they are probably planning on working anyway. I know Penny's working the afternoon/evening shift at the bar, so she will probably just sleep in until eleven and then go straight in."

"In that case I'll probably catch a ride over with Raj in the morning. See you at dinner?"

"Yeah, see you." They parted ways at the end of the corridor, Howard walking off to the parking lot and Leonard calling in to see catch Raj up on the latest news. When he got to Raj's office, it was to find that he'd already left for the day and Alex, Sheldon's assistant filled him in.

"Oh, Doctor Hofstadter…Doctor Koothrappali left about an hour ago, he mentioned something about taking Cinnamon over to Mrs. Wolowitz's for a sleepover."

"Okay, thanks Alex."

"No problem. Enjoy your day off tomorrow."

"Always do…and May the Fourth be with you!" Leonard waved as he walked out of the building, Alex watched him go with a bemused expression on her face. She shook her head as she dropped some paperwork off in Doctor Gablehauser's office.

"Oh, Miss Jenson. Are those the papers from Doctor Cooper?" Doctor Gablehauser, the head of the Physics department was locking up his inner office as Alex slipped the papers into the tray on his secretary's desk.

"Yes sir, and there's one there from Doctor Koothrappali as well."

"Wonderful news, and even better for you and the rest of us now that we don't have to see the awesome foursome until Monday."

"'Awesome foursome'?" Alex repeated, not having heard the term before.

"Let me walk you out and I'll fill you in." Doctor Gablehauser held open the outer door for Alex and they walked through the empty halls together as he filled her in. "The 'Awesome Foursome' is what the tenure committee like to refer Doctor's Cooper, Koothrappali and Hofstadter as, along with Mr. Wolowitz. Those four can cause trouble where there is none, it was even worse when Doctor Winkle was around; she managed to bring out the worst in them, especially Doctor Cooper. Trust me, Alex – it will be like a party around here tomorrow; it's the same for every May 4th, San Diego Comic-Con, or whenever there's a new Marvel or Star Trek movie out."

"But why?"

"Because, my dear Miss Jenson, we are guaranteed to be free of those meddlesome creatures for at least ten days every single year! Do you know how difficult it is to persuade Doctor Cooper that he needs to take a vacation?" Gablehauser saw the flicker of horror on Alex's face and knew that she'd heard tales of his forced vacation in which he had tried to latch on to everyone else's projects for a few days; thank heavens that he'd finally found refuge in Doctor Fowler's laboratory and stopped pestering everyone else. The complaints box in Gablehauser's office had been nearly overflowing that week.

"Goodness knows they are four of the most brilliant minds I have ever come across and the publicity alone is worth every torturous minute – but I love it even more when they all take time off together. I never turn down their request for leave, no matter how bizarre the reason – Doctor Cooper even has it written in his contract that he must always be absent every May 4th, and for a man whose last research paper netting this University further money to fund another four years grant money…who am I to argue?" Gablehauser paused at his car and looked over at Alex. "I know Doctor Cooper has offered you a day off tomorrow, you can still take it if you like, but I think you'll find it a whole new experience if you come in and see what the place is like without him here…We have the television on in the lounge, music playing in the canteen…they even serve lunch with a smile in the cafeteria!"

"Sounds great, I do have some work to finish up in the office. Doctor Cooper only told me of his plans this afternoon, so I wasn't expecting to take the day off anyway."

"I'll see you tomorrow then, Miss Jenson. Good evening."

"Good evening." Alex watched Gablehauser drive off, his stereo turned on full blast and smiled to herself as she got into her own car; already looking forward to what tomorrow had to offer.


End file.
